I can’t quit the Redskins. They are my team through thick and thin. They always will be no matter what. Though I was born and raised in northern Virginia, never have been to Texas, and have no soul, which means I should be a Cowboys fan, I will ride or die with my team to the very end.
However, as I was watching another Monday night debacle with the Skins 38-16 loss to the Steelers, I am reminded that not only do the Skins lose, I feel like they do something terribly embarrassing on the field that even the worst of worst organizations do not do. It’s not enough for them to have us bow our heads in shame the next day in front of our obnoxious fair-weather fan co-workers. The Skins also want them to be able to openly mock you and your favorite team without you being able to confidently retort back.
The Skins did what they do and reeled me back in for half a second when running back, Chris Thompson, punched it in from the 1-yard line to potentially make it a one-score game. This made me happy, which meant that they then had to immediately do something that made me regret my 26 years of fandom. In a crucial moment, the extra point, the Redskins take a delay of game penalty to take it from a 9-point, two possession game, to an 8-point, potentially one possession game. Now the kicker, Dustin Hopkins, ended up booting it through with ease regardless, because he’s that damn good, and it really didn’t affect the game as the Skins were beaten up and down the field for the remainder of the game anyways, but it was enough to drum up my feelings on all those other cringe-worthy on the field moments in the team’s history.
The key phrase there is “on the field”. We would be here all day if we were to discuss all the terrible free agent acquisitions, bad draft picks, and disrespectful PR moves. Plus, I have already shown an inability to properly finish a post with my last entry. So let’s get to it:
1. Albert Haynesworth Lays Down on the Field
Now I certainly do not have anything against laying down at inopportune times. Also, as you can tell from my waistline I clearly have nothing against Lays. But it’s pretty sad when the guy you made the highest paid defensive player in the league amidst a game that has since been labeled the Monday Night Massacre is laying down on the field in defeat as the play goes on for another 10 seconds. Albert Haynesworth was fat, but he wasn’t William “Refrigerator” Perry fat, or Gilbert Brown fat and I don’t believe those guys had moments like this, so there was no excuse for this nonsense.
2. The Gus Frerotte Headbutt
Everyone has seen this a million times, so it’s almost cliché, but this one has to be mentioned. Gus Frerotte had a solid NFL career, and might have been Kirk Cousins before Kirk Cousins. They both were drafted not to start, but to backup Top-3 drafted quarterbacks who were supposed to be saviors of the franchise. Both ended up having pro-bowl caliber years after injuries and poor play opened up their opportunity to start. Now hopefully Kirk can maintain the success a bit longer than Gus, but I know for sure he can avoid concussing himself by aggressively head-butting a concrete wall after a touchdown in a prime-time game.
3. Joe Gibbs Consecutive Timeouts Game
This one was the worst because it combined embarrassment with pure misery. The death of Sean Taylor was a senseless tragedy and there was such an aura of sadness during the game. It started off with a touching tribute pre-game acknowledgement and moment of silence. Then once the Skins came out on defense, they trotted out 10 players instead of 11, which led to me violently sobbing for 10 seconds and pulling myself together. Unfortunately, it arguably ended with legendary head coach, Joe Gibbs, biggest blunder of his career when he called consecutive timeouts to “ice” Buffalo Bills kicker, Rian Lindell, which resulted in a 15-yard penalty, taking the game-winning field goal attempt form 51 yards to 35 yards. It really didn’t affect the outcome of the game because Lindell made the earlier attempt anyways before Gibbs got the illegal timeout off, but it left Skins fans with a feeling of emptiness and sorrow losing in such an embarrassing way on a day that was meant to honor a fallen player.
4. Jim Zorn Doesn’t Know How to Wear his Hood in the Rain
Now I’d like to take credit for this one, but it comes from a classic Dukes bit himself. It’s a tough one, because I am having trouble remembering which game it was. That’s mainly because almost every game in the Jim Zorn ended in similar fashion with me ending up in the fetal position in a dark room crying because the coach of my favorite team was completely incompetent. Zorn is probably most remembered for his excitement to represent the “maroon and black”, being quirky, and having Dan Snyder completely emasculate him at the end of his short-tenure. But the underrated moment I always think about is a game where despite wearing a jacket with a hood on it, and it being basically a monsoon outside, Jim Zorn refused to wear the hood on his jacket and let rain fall over his face as he is trying to coach an NFL game. It’s not that he got rained on. Plenty of coaches get rained on. It’s that he made the decision to wear a jacket that’s sole purpose is to keep the rain from falling on his head, to then allow it to fall on his head for an entire game. It pretty much sums up the Jim Zorn era.
5. Swinging Gate
I don’t what this play is. I do not understand it at all. That is because the two times I have seen NFL teams run it, once by the Colts against the Patriots, and once by your Washington Redskins, it has ended up being said team’s most embarrassing on-field moment. However, I do know that it is supposed to contain some element of surprise. It is really difficult to have an element of surprise if you are down 24-0 at home at half time on Monday Night Football, tried to call this terrible play once, had a timeout called by the opposing team to stop it, only to come out in the exact same formation again. There was about as much element of surprise on that play as there will be to be to Chad Dukes and Bartie Lang when I am nowhere to be found by episode 6 of the Rodkast.