There are few things in life that get me all worked up as my favorite season does. Don’t get me wrong. I love the summer. I’ll miss the beach. I’ll miss the cookouts. I’ll miss the pool that your friend built that you try to pretend is your own because it brings you so much joy. Fall is just a whole other beast though.
First off, I am fat. There is no excuse for it. Oh wait, there is. The excuse is back at the cookout last weekend when I said I will just have one burger. That one burger turned into two burgers, two sausages, two kabobs, and multiple fistfuls of chips. Except it was much worse than that and I am too ashamed to write the real tally of food, so let’s just go with that. Anyways, the weather in the summer doesn’t work well with me. Patrick Ewing and Ruben Studdard think I sweat too much. I literally sweat not because it is too hot, or I am exercising, but simply because I am alive. I’m the worst. The fall definitely helps with that. It’s not too cold, not too hot, so I can continue to wear short-sleeve shirts to avoid sweating when everyone else has moved on to light jackets and mask myself as a normal human being.
Football and fantasy football. The best. It doesn’t matter that your team has consistently let you down for 25 years after fooling you into loving them because your first memory of the game is of them hoisting the Lombardi trophy. Everyone has a shot at the beginning! Especially your team! And even if your team is done by week 4, who cares? Your favorite team is YOU anyways! It has to be because on Monday morning I didn’t hear about the soul-crushing pick your real team’s QB threw in the last minute of the game against your hated rival. However, I did hear about your crime/cheating themed Ray Rice, Tom Brady, Aaron Hernandez and Michael Vick fantasy football team name you’ve been pushing on the rest of your league for years because everyone thinks it’s funny(no one thinks it’s funny). Even if THAT team is terrible by week 4, who cares? You now have daily fantasy options to help you forget that everything you love and put effort into was a massive failure. It’s like having Will Smith from Men in Black hit you with the neuralyzer each week all so you can continue make football what’s really all about. You!
Now there’s so much more to talk about when it comes to the fall that I could talk about. It being the best season for craft beers, Halloween and Thanksgiving, the return of the NBA, sending your kids back to school after driving you close to insane. All of those things are amazing to me, but the most underrated part has to be it being the time of year where all the AAA video games coming out. There just isn’t much better than hyping yourself for a video game you’ve been interested in for the past year, buying the Ultra-Legendary-Master-Premium edition with all the downloadable content (DLC) for $150 only to realize after a single hour that you wasted your hard-earned money. You’re not a quitter though, so you hate-play it for another 20 hours to justify your purchase only to finally tap out and never touch it again despite having three DLC’s you paid for coming your way that you will never touch. (I’m talking to you, Fallout 4.)