People fighting on the radio — I live for it.
I breathe it. I find it to be sexually arousing.
There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING, I find more entertaining than two people screaming at each other while on the radio. It touches on something primal in the back of my homo habilis-like brain that’s tough for me to put into words (ironically).
The Rodkast’s own Bartie Lange pitched the idea for me to come up with my top 5 radio fights of all time — at first I thought this to be impossible.It would be like me trying to grade the top 5 double cheeseburgers I’ve shoved into my fat face (or up my ass).
So I’ve decided to make the idea into a series. Perhaps in the future, I can do a “Top 5 Most IMPACTFUL Radio Fights,” -or- “Top 5 Most BRUTAL Radio Fights.” It would be some variation of that.
For now, I just decided to provide “Big Shooter’s Top 5 Most ENTERTAINING Radio Fights.”
These 5 particular fights aren’t in any order. Or maybe they are in some order. What I am saying is, the order here doesn’t matter because it’s my list. Debating numbers or placement just isn’t necessary.
When I tell you I’ve listened to each and every one of these segments dozens of times, know that is an outrageous understatement. Some people walk around the house listening to music or turn on SportsCenter for background noise. Not me. I listen to bickering, back-biting, and bellyaching whilst wailing on my pud… judge away.
The Howard Stern Show: Artie Lange vs Andrew Dice Clay
I’m going to level with you here and use as little hyperbole as possible: every single fight on this list COULD have involved Artie Lange. He is to radio fighting as Roger Murtaugh & Martin Riggs are to buddy cop films.
Artie fought with so many people so many times during his run on The Howard Stern Show, that it’s tough to keep track of all of them, let alone why they happened. This particular blow up was expertly sparked, kindled, and fueled by the King of All Media; who might be the only man on Earth that likes spoken word conflict as much as I do.
Artie had opened for Dice at a stand-up show in Atlantic City – and had not received his payment in a timely matter. It starts civil enough, but soon devolves into a good old fashioned brawl.
**BONUS RADIOPHILE MOMENT** – Ralph Cirella phones in with an attempt to pile on Artie and gets torn to shreds.
The Adam Carolla Show: Adam vs Kevin Smith
There isn’t as much vitriolic anger within this dust up as other entries on this list, but it’s definitely Top 5 worthy due to both of the parties involved.
As a fan of both men for 20 years or so, I would much prefer they coexist in harmony; but I whack the bag at the notion of them locking horns. The genesis of the conflict is a failed television pilot for which Kevin got paid and Adam did not. It builds nicely on each man’s individual respective podcasts, and culminates with an epic confrontation as Kevin accepts an invitation to appear on ACS to clear the air.
Ultimately, I sided with the Aceman during this conflict, but agreed more with Kevin’s assessment of the entertainment value the fight provided. It was well worth milking – despite Ace’s protest.
**BONUS RADIOPHILE MOMENT** – Kevin Smith later appeared on (my pal) Erock’s radio show on SiriusXM — and I called in to ask him if there was an update in his relationship with Carolla. Me. Me. Me.
The Opie & Anthony Show: The Erock Cellphone Incident
Speaking of Erik Nagel, he has been at the eye of some of the best radio hurricanes in history. As a long time producer of O&A, one would not survive if one couldn’t take a little consternation now and then. Whether vomiting up mayonnaise or fighting Ron and Fez interns, I’ve been a fan of young Hawk and the conflict he’s associated with for many years.
This one has it all: treachery, deceit, skullduggery, revenge, furious anger AND great vengeance.
Erock is on vacation and the boys call to harass him — as they often did. In what is called “an accident” (I don’t buy it), Erick’s cellphone number is revealed while on the air.
We can only guess what the “pests” did with said information. The saga spans three YouTube videos and encompasses the reveal, the results, and the payoff. It’s perfect radio drama and I still don’t know how Nagel didn’t quit his job.
**BONUS RADIOPHILE MOMENT** – I would have left the quarters.
The Ron & Fez Show: Steakgate
Like many of the shows that clock-in on this list, Ron & Fez not only are one of my favorites, but could also populate an entire Top 5 fight list themselves. The only issue is how I can try to give you enough backstory for this donnybrook to make as much sense as possible.
By this time in the history of the Ron & Fez Show, Fez Whatley had gone quite mad, and that’s a total shoot. He was insane. He was hoarding his own toenails. He was pulling clumps of his own hair out and digging holes in his scalp. He had multiple heart attacks, and may or may not have murdered a cat.
During this segment, Ronnie, Fez, and their foul mouth producer Pepper Hicks, were celebrating their intern Howard’s last day on the show. Howard had requested steak for his final meal on the show, and Fez was dispatched to gather the provisions.
Now, I have listened to “guy talk” radio for my entire life; it’s what I do for a living. With that in mind, know that I do not take it lightly when I tell you that I have never questioned reality more than when I was listening to Ron and Fez. I THINK all of this is real. I’m 95% sure it was, but I would never swear to it. When I listen to Ron Bennington, I am often reminded of the greatest trick the Devil ever pulled — and I mean that as the highest compliment my fanboy ass can offer.
**BONUS RADIOPHILE MOMENT** – Ronnie B asking for a milkshake while attempting to eat his “steak.” I wish I was cool enough to just say “beverage” when it was time for me to wet my whistle.
The Howard Stern Show: Artie vs Sal
... I could listen to this segment forever. I can’t even hazard a guess as to how many times that I actually have.
Sal the Stockbroker was a listener who rose to notoriety within the Stern Show Universe by calling in and harassing the Executive Producer about his teeth and gums. He was so good at it that he won a contest where the prize was EMPLOYMENT by the very same show whose producer he had ruthlessly mocked for years. It’s the damnedest thing I’ve ever heard of.
During this brawl, Sal & Richard start off upset with Howard about comments he had made about their work and work ethic. Artie waded into the fray and all hell broke lose. Sal explodes by slandering a (seemingly) prepared list of everything Artie has ever done in his career. It’s some of the most brutal back and forth I’ve ever heard in my life. and-it-is…GLORIOUS.
**BONUS RADIOPHILE MOMENT** – “I hope your kids die of AIDS.”